ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (the one where Carol Anne sleeps through the weekend)

Day umpteen of The Little Chest Cold That Won’t Go Away. I have expect my work-pal Denice to call me up tomorrow (vacation day) and say, “I can hear you coughing. Will you live?” She can hear me clear across the department, so what’s another 3 miles or so.

The cold and The Cold are triggering asthma attacks, too. I have a routine: cough myself blue, use inhaler, clear lungs and shake for an hour, collapse in a heap. I’ve been taking many lovely naps with Laddie Boy, but my kids are starting to run the house without me. At least they are trapped inside, due to the below zero temps.

What I really need right now is a three-week trip to Guangzhou. The weather is getting warm there and a bit humid — just what I need to steam-bake my lungs. Some time sitting on the patio at Lucy’s, drinking lots of beer. It’s just what the doctor ordered. Too bad the doctor didn’t order a lottery win, too.

Hit -n- Dumb

Here’s the chorus of the song I sang to Sarah last night:

Mama got run over by Dada
Coming off the bus the other day.
Mama said, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
Dada said, “I didn’t see you get in the way.”

Yes, my husband ran into me in his van as I was crossing the street to get into said van. He says he didn’t see me. How do you miss a ginormous woman in a parka, who you just waved at, walking in front of your van?

His excuse, besides, “I didn’t see you” was that he was moving the van to make it easier for me to get into it. I guess if I wound up under the tires, it would have been easier for me to get in the van. I would have been flatter.

I have a nice bruise on my thigh and I walk like House, sans the cane.

The kids always ask me what I would do if I got hit by a car. I’ve told them I would probably kick the headlights out of the offending vehicle. I didn’t do that yesterday, because I’d have to come up with the money to replace the headlight.

We’re #2!

I noticed this morning that my John Edwards button was missing from my backpack. I wonder when it popped off? Maybe it was a sign.

While a first place win would have been lovely, I am happy that John Edwards came in second in Iowa. I guess that makes it a 2-fer for him, since that’s where he landed in Iowa in 2004. I’ve liked John Edwards’s message for a very long time now — even before the last Iowa caucus. It really resonates with me.

Can’t remember if it was Keith Obermann or Chris Matthews that said tonight that Edwards has the Hubert Humphrey “Happy Warrior” attitude. That must be what gets to me. I love hearing HHH’s old speeches. He had a passion for his work that came from the heart. That’s what I hear when John Edwards speaks.

On to New Hampshire for the next adventure.

Thank You, Wally and The Beave

In an effort to upgrade my parenting skills, I decided I would like to study the wit, wisdom, and childrearing skills of June Cleaver. Thanks to connections, I was able to get my hands on the first season of “Leave It To Beaver”.

I don’t know that I’ve learned anything new from June, but rather reinforced my current state. You see, June can be quite snarky as she’s making umpteen sandwiches for the boys. She’s also good at giving Ward, Wally, and The Beave her version of The Look. The girls have pointed out that June is as mean a mama as I am.

The girls have been watching “Leave It To Beaver” with me. They’ve been enjoying it tremendously. Rachel now knows who Eddie Haskell is, so we can no longer get away with calling her “Eddie” when she decides its time to brown nose.

Watching “Beaver” has had an unintended benefit: the girls are getting along better than ever AND they are more helpful than usual.

For example, last Thursday I was drowning in things to do before Sarah’s Gotcha Day party. As I was contemplating my frantic state, I thought to ask the girls if they would like to help. I barely got the words out of my mouth before they were jumping all over, asking what they could do.

We’ve cooked, cleaned, wrapped, decorated, cleaned, wrapped, and cleaned some more. Without bad attitude on anyone’s part (including me — kid-done is good enough!). We’ve periodically taken breaks to watch an episode of “Beaver” or two. It’s been WONDERFUL. I’m hoping this new attitude lasts for a while.

At Least It Smells Like Licorice

Your Score: Fennel

You scored 50% intoxication, 25% hotness, 75% complexity, and 50% craziness!

You are Fennel!

You’re a cool cat. Crisp, clean, fresh, and extremely complicated. You’re like quantum physics or modern jazz. Think Niels Bohr meets Ornette Coleman. You may look normal now, but once you sprout, you look kind of, uh, funny.

Link: The Which Spice Are You Test written by jodiesattva on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test